8 things i learned before i turned 18

My freshman year is coming to an end, and I also recently turned 18 last week. As much as it doesn’t sound that deep, I took some time to reflect on my time here, both in college and the past years of my life before I turned 18. I wrote these 8 lessons I learned before my birthday in the library, and I wanted to record and share them here.

Growing up, I’ve always liked writing. I used to write for my school’s paper and filled journals up constantly. But coming into my junior year of high school, I started to hate writing thanks to all the essays, Common App prompts, and the pressure to make everything sound “perfect.” I forgot the fun in it. But now, I want to make writing a habit again. Hopefully, I stick with it.

Going back to the beginning of my freshman year, as cliché as it sounds, I think I’ve had the most insane amount of growth this year. I learned more about myself, what my interests are, the kind of people I want to surround myself with, and the things I’m truly passionate about. I’ve always loved building things. That’s why I thought I wanted to do CSE in college. I thought this was my one gateway into building the next Google.

But coming into college, I didn’t realize the impact people have on your life. I was never interested in finance. If anything, I didn’t even know what Investment Banking was coming in. I was super confused about what I wanted to do with my life, and everyone around me seemed to know exactly what path they wanted to pursue.

Fast forward to the winter of freshman year I was here on campus alone. Probably the stupidest decision anyone could make, but also the best. I had never gotten this much alone time before in my life. Being by myself with my thoughts, I sat down to deeply think about what I truly cared about. I asked myself the same questions I used to ask back in high school when trying to figure out life:

“What is one thing you can do for free that will keep you up at night?”

I always knew I wanted to work insanely hard in the early years of my life especially in my 20s. And talking to my mentors, I figured out what I wanted to do.

Spring of freshman year felt more grounded and collected. By no means do I have it all figured out and who even knows? Whatever I’ve set my eyes on now, I might completely change it one day. But at the beginning of the year, I wrote down a few goals for myself, and one of them was:

“Figure out who I am and what I care about. Understand my personal narrative deeply.”

I think in this world, we often underplay the importance of knowing oneself. But through this year’s collective experiences, I can say I’ve gotten closer to that.

Enough of the yap moving onto the lessons. Excuse me if this list isn’t structured properly as I said before, these were written at 2 AM in the library. I also shared these lessons with my closest friends at my birthday dinner, and I think their reactions told me not to restructure them so I’m keeping them raw, just as they are.

1. Extreme ownership

Life is what you make it. You are 100% responsible for your whole life. From the moment you wake up to the minute you sleep it’s all your actions, your thoughts, your words, what you consume, what you see, what you feed your mind. You are what you think, talk, eat, and do. Don’t blame anyone else take full responsibility.

I think growing up in a household where my parents gave me the freedom but also the responsibility of being who I am, and hearing my dad’s story how he fell 10 times but got back up every single time, lost everything but rebuilt it all from the ground up these things really taught me that life is all about how you react to what happens. And this flows into my next lesson.

2. Everything will work out

At the end of the day, everything will work out for the best of your future. I used to think this was cliché, but it’s so true. There were times I felt like everything was falling apart, and life was over. But trust in the process. As long as you do your best, stay at it, and do the right thing, everything will work out for the best. I like this quote by Steve Jobs: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” and I think it sums up what I am trying to say.

3. Being cool = being yourself

Being cool is being yourself and doing that unapologetically. Like the things you like. Dislike the things you don’t like. There’s nothing cooler than knowing who you are and standing by it. Some of the coolest people I know are those who are genuine, stand by their values and beliefs, and who don’t compromise on who they are in a world that constantly pressures you to.

4. Life is fun with people

Life is fun because of people. No matter what “success,” internships, or money we chase, it’s all for the people in our lives. You’re never too busy to grab lunch with a friend or call your parents. Keep them close. Mom, Dad, my brother, and my best friends they’re the reason I’m who I am today. Without them, I’m nothing. My parents always told me, “People are your biggest assets in life.”

Coming from a big family, every person has been a backbone for me, and I’m beyond grateful. You are the average of the five people you talk to every day, and I firmly believe in this.

5. Stay a child

As you grow older, it’s easy to fall into the trap of always being serious. Don’t grow old in spirit. Live in the present. Have the curiosity of your younger self, the belief, the imagination. Eat your favorite ice cream flavor. Travel to the places your younger self dreamed of.

After my birthday, I went to New York and visited the Harry Potter store (I’ve watched every movie at least 9 times). I bought a Gryffindor cap and felt unmatched happiness. Make your 10-year-old self happy.

6. Sleep on it

When you’re not in the right mindset or overthinking, sometimes life just sucks and the best thing to do is sleep through it. You’ll feel better in the morning, 99% of the time.

But on the flip side, if you lost 18 hours of the day, you still have 6 left. Make the most of those 6. Maybe cause of my horrible sleep schedule, but I always thought this way: “Even if it is 1 am and I wasted the whole day, I still always have time to do some deep work.”

7. Effortless is a myth

I realized this after coming to college. I used to idolize people who made it big and thought it was effortless for them. It’s not. It’s a ton of hard work behind the scenes.

What matters is how far you can push yourself when you don’t want to anymore. That’s what they did. Grit = passion + perseverance.

After talking to mentors, people I looked up to, I realized they’re just ordinary people who put in extraordinary effort. If you stick to it, you can achieve anything. Don’t fall into the trap of idolization.

8. Nothing is impossible

Whatever you set your mind to you can absolutely achieve it. Trust yourself. Run a marathon. Build the next big thing. Volunteer across the world. Fly a plane. Be the best at what you do. It’s all possible.

Put your heart, soul, and insane hard work into whatever you do and you’ll get there. If you’re like me, someone with crazy dreams and the work ethic to match, it’s all possible.

This was the year of the most growth I’ve ever had. And it only happened because I forced myself to go through things I hated, be it like showing up to a club event where I knew no one or working till 4 AM in the library. There were times I cried because I missed home (mind you, I haven’t seen my parents or best friends in 9 months). I’ve broken down in front of friends, wondering if I was doing enough, while also being on the verge of burnout. But in this whirlwind of experiences, I met some of the most amazing people who taught me things I’d never have realized otherwise.

Thank you to my dad and my family

Many of you (those close to me) know how much my dad means to me. He is one of the biggest reasons I want to do what I do.

I also want to emphasize how insanely grateful I am for my family. I can’t believe they sent their daughter to a boarding school across the country at 15 to study something they probably never heard of, and now, let her go to college halfway across the world on a campus they’ve never seen, in a country they’ve never been to.

The belief they have in me is unreal. I hope I never break it. I want to keep going up and up for me, for them, for everyone who’s believed in me. I once read this quote that perfectly sums up the kind of person my dad is:

“Because of him, I learned from a young age that sometimes you have to take an irrational leap of faith to unlock the opportunities you dream of.”

I could keep yapping forever. But I hope you took something away from this, and this serves as a way for me to record my lessons and keep coming back to them.

I’m very excited for my life whether it’s working on a startup with a friend, preparing for recruitment, going on road trips, trying every restaurant near me, trying out every hobby, run a marathon next year, a summer full of learning during my internship, quality time with my family, learning to swim and surf, or eating delicious food cooked by my mom.

I’m excited to do it all, like I always am.